Be A Little Kinder: For People Who Have Mental Struggles, and For Those Who Encounter Them
Recently, some flashbacks of a traumatic incident came up, but I realized I came out stronger this time because I was able to manage it better than before. It didn’t stay for a very long time. Whether we are struggling with a certain illness or we are experiencing mental health issues which is a normal part of our lives (similar to getting a fever sometimes), I’m sure we wished that the world felt a little kinder to us, right?
For the record! Dogs are really one of my best feel-good company. They make me feel the world, is really kind.
To those who are struggling…
Reality is, the world will not adjust for us and there are uncontrollable situations that we should let go of. Let’s try to train our minds to see life in a different perspective, even though it’s all dark for some.
Try to be mindful. This is not just doing yoga, meditation and all these sorts of stuff most people recommend on social media. It’s just basically being fully aware of what we are doing, seeing, and experiencing. Most of the time, whenever I try to be more mindful, I remove all distractions around me, I see simple things — birds chirping, butterflies, the beauty of plants, and so on. Okay, you might not live with nature, but also, I was able to notice how people smile, that despite the chaos and negative things happening around us, they’re smiling, they have something to look forward to in life. For me, it gives me inspiration. I tried to train my mind to look at it in a positive light rather than envy them being all happy while I can’t.
Know your triggers. Properly communicating to others what triggers you is helpful, it’s not asking them to completely adjust to you, but it’s more of asking help that you’re not ready to face certain actions or words. Let’s relate it to a physical illness, I know they’re different but they should be given equal importance. Say you have an asthma and you have a relative who smokes. You know the smoke triggers you. Have a little consideration for your condition and tell the person that it would help if he/she would go out whenever he/she smokes because that triggers your asthma. (This can be a matter of life and death for some.) I’m sure the person wouldn’t mind, if he/she cares about you. Say a certain song triggers a specific traumatic memory to you. You ask someone to stop playing that song because it reminds you of something. It might come off as weird for the other, but these simple things are already helpful.
There are uncontrollable things around you. This was quite hard for me to unlearn (being someone who usually gets what I want when I want because I make ways for it, sounds familiar?) but the more I stress about something, the more time and energy it consumed. I just realized I want to put my energy in better things. An experienced changed me from being a healthy person mentally to someone who used to worry a lot for a week or two (last, last year) but now, I’m just happy to say that these bouts of anxiety happens in a day or two (or three, haha!) Progress, is still progress, after all. Travel (my true love!) also helped me to be more mindful and just shoo all the worries away so I wouldn’t trade my true love for anything. May this be people, circumstances, and the like, we should let it go. I try to express my anger, my emotions too, because the more we keep it, the longer it lingers. One technique is fret about it and forget it afterwards.
I wrote just three things because most of the time, too much information can overwhelm us. Let’s help ourselves, shall we?
Sunset, sunrise, they really make me feel good too. They have the unexplainable feeling of giving hope to someone.
To those who see people with struggles…
I’ve experienced people say things to me like:
“Other people have it worse you know, be thankful you have this and that.” (belittling your struggles)
“I know that. Oh in my case, I actually experienced…” (not too bad but, it kinda hindered me to share because the person is talking about themselves)
“You’re so dramatic. There are better ways to spend time. Just get over it.” (that made me feel ashamed of sharing to anyone)
“You’re so selfish, everyone has their own struggles not just you.” (I know that…)
As mentioned above, we are the ones who can help ourselves, but we are not alone. I see people with struggles as people who are not really demanding a lot, as I’ve experienced it too. Most people resort to the worst actions (even though it was their choice, or is it, really) because their feelings are dismissed, the people around them made them feel like they’re a burden, and so on. Those days that I was experiencing that and I chose the wrong person to share it to, (I thought the person is a comfortable space for me, turned out, not, and the person has issues too that are being projected towards me) it felt disheartening. I turned to one of my best friends and told him about my experience. He was diagnosed with mental illnesses since 17 and life isn’t normal for him unlike other people. And he told me,
“No matter what struggles each one of us is going on, it’s never an excuse to be rude to other people. I have been living with these different mental illnesses since I was young, life wasn’t easy, but that doesn’t give me the right to treat other people differently just because I’m different.”
And he’s right. I think if we experience it at some point in our lives, why couldn’t we be more compassionate with other people?
Never invalidate other people’s feelings. For sure you might be living a normal life and yes you also have struggles, but the fact that you’re not experiencing it doesn’t mean it’s not present for other people. You don’t have to agree with the subjective reality of the person, after all, he/she is the one experiencing it, but you allow it to exist. Invalidating someone’s feelings put them in a position wherein they keep on questioning their minds and it makes them feel confused why certain emotions exist because other people dismissed them.
You don’t need to fully understand, but you just need to be aware and be sensitive. When we see people with mental struggles, some feel the need to understand fully when in fact, we can’t process some things in an instant. Reality is, there are people who stay away from people with illnesses, whether physical or mental (look around you) afraid that they might catch it too (some illnesses are contagious, and also even negative thoughts). For mental illnesses, that behavior marginalizes those who are struggling when they want to be more empowered. Again, we don’t need to expect to get this empowerment from other people, but at least be sensitive that these people don’t even need to be pitied upon, but more of an awareness that their struggles exist and that doesn’t put them in a place of discrimination. (PS. In my experience, the kindest, and bravest people I know have mental illnesses and they still choose to inspire people despite the prejudice towards them.)
Being kind to others doesn’t strip out your individuality. Back to the story, I tried to communicate myself to this person who used to always invalidate my feelings I’ve mentioned above. The way this person says it, is always phrased in a negative light. In short, the words were rude, and the person justified that he says it that way because that’s how he is, that’s his personality, and that he won’t adjust just because I’m experiencing certain struggles. Familiar experience to you? That was toxic. We go back to point 3 above. If the person communicated the triggers to you, I think it’s being a good human to at least compromise and adjust to help the other out. A little help goes a long way, after all the person did his/her best to communicate, which could be hard at times. Being a little kinder doesn’t remove you from being your authentic self. I always tell people who go to me that you can show who you are and be compassionate and understanding at the same time. They can coexist, unless you don’t want to acknowledge that there are parts of you that needs to grow and be better. As someone who also used to be indifferent to the world around me, not caring about certain things, why would I settle for that if I can be a better person by being kinder to myself, to the people around me, and allowing myself to grow? And still, I am me. Let’s open our minds, shall we?
Cliche as it seems, but the world can be a better place if we let go of judgements, if we see each other in a positive light, if we try to be more understanding or just even kinder to one another. After all, we have our own struggles, and instead of being a factor to put someone in a worse position, let’s be more inspiring and make people feel, make ourselves feel that there can be hope after all.
PS. You don’t have to be too robotic and bookish when you approach people with certain struggles, just be yourself with genuine, kind intentions.
Suggested readings (because I love to read articles!)
